The last couple of weeks have been very up and down. My anxiety has been particularly high recently (lots of stress about lots of things) and last week ended with a particularly nasty hospital appointment which I’m still recovering from now.
It is really nice to be able to enjoy the sunshine though, and get out and about a little bit more now that lockdown is easing off.
Reading Confronting My Chronic Illness Has Changed What It Means For Me To Be Single recently really struck a chord with me.
It’s an emotional piece about the reality of living alone with chronic illness. I live with my partner now, but having woken up on the floor of the flat where I lived alone post-seizure more than once, I can really identify with the fear of knowing something serious could happen and no one would know to get help.
As Tobin says in the article, I do live with my partner because I want to live with him. I don’t see him as my carer, or the person who’s around if I fall or collapse andcan get help for me. But I have come to rely on him, and he has picked me up more than once when I have been stuck on the floor and was here to check on me last year when I was in bed very ill with (probably) COVID.
Did I intend to put that responsibility onto him? Absolutely not. But it happened anyway.
Tomorrow, he’s going away for work for three days, so I’ll be home alone for once. My turn has come around for my vaccine and I haven’t been able to get an appointment yet, and part of me is glad, just because there are risks involved in my getting it, and I’d rather not be by myself if anything did happen.
Like Tobin, I have fears about being alone, but I am not afraid to be alone.
My partner is my partner, not my carer, and if he ever fell down, I’d do my very best to help him up. Or at least call someone who could.
Take care,
Donna
Self-care snippet
Today I had a lovely long walk on the beach with friends where we had a good chat about our health and coming out of lockdown. Excellent for my mental health, but am paying for it physically now!
So later on, when the sun has gone down, I’ll be massaging my busted hip with my Aromatherapy Associates De-Stress Muscle Gel (it’ll work better once the weather has cooled down a little I think).
Things I’ve seen, heard, read and talked about
Perspectives on Visibility: Outside Inside A Brighton Fringe Festival show I reviewed for North West End UK, this is a unique and original piece of online theatre which looks at accessibility and the fact that it isn’t one thing for everyone
Early menopause: 'I was grieving that I couldn't have children' A very emotional piece about something people often avoid talking about
We discussed Haphaestus at a Greek Mythology Creative Writing Workshop from the Brighton Fringe I attended yesterday and the impact his disability had within Greek mythology