The first thing I remember learning at school was that I was really, really bad at PE. The second thing I remember learning at school was that I was really, really bad at PE because I was lazy and stupid. Lazy, because I did well in other lessons so the only explanation for my being really, really bad at PE was that I wasn’t trying. Stupid, because literally anyone can play rounders, hit the ball out of the playground, run around and around in circles and catch, throw and bowl like a pro, so if you can’t, there’s something wrong with you as a person.
I hated days with PE. All day I would have horrendous anxiety and not want to go to school. The PE lessons themselves were hell, and the rest of the day would be ruined by the memory of it. My teachers had no patience for me deeming me lazy and encouraging the bullying I received from other people in my class.
Even now, if I talk about having hated PE with people, the usual response is it’s because I am or was fat or lazy. Everybody loved PE as it was basically break time.
After I was diagnosed with developmental hip dysplasia in my early twenties, I was sent to see a physio who told me that my right leg was “as weak as a starving kitten”. I had evolved to use my right leg in the same way as a crutch; supporting my stronger left leg with it and basically dragging it along behind me.
Since my treatment with her, I’ve seen two other physiotherapists and all three of them have tried to teach me how to walk properly and use my right leg as a leg. It’s a conscious effort that causes pain and discomfort and my muscle memory always wants to fall back into bad habits. The strength in my right leg just never developed as it should have and early adulthood was too late for it to start.
The first thing I remember learning at school was that I was really, really bad at PE. The second thing I remember learning at school was that I was really, really bad at PE because I was lazy and stupid. The first thing I remember learning after my diagnosis of hip dysplasia was that while I was at school I essentially had one leg. The second thing I remember learning after my diagnosis was that if I had actually had a prosthetic right leg, I would have been better at PE.
I don’t think the bullying would have been different though…
Take care,
Donna
Self-care snippet
We had our Valentine’s date at the very lovely Martin Mere where I managed to walk much further than I thought I would be able to! I love birds and Martin Mere do such great work to keep so many wetland birds safe and happy. I also felt really invigorated after our wetland walk, and really proud of myself being able to undertake such a long journey (for me!) on foot.
Having said that, I might have been better not spending so much time outside as I’ve recently been told my Vitamin D levels are too high! I didn’t even know that was possible in the UK, but it does explain some rather nasty symptoms I’ve had over the last few months. Fingers crossed we can get them down again, though the inexplicable nature of their being too high in the first place might make that a little tricky!
Things I’ve seen, heard, read and talked about
‘I did not expect motherhood to legitimise me’: parenting with a disability A collection of interesting snapshots into the world of disabled parenting. Features all of the usual hurdles disabled parents face like assuming they can’t take care of their children, that they can’t possibly be having sex to have the children in the first place and, of course, if they do something considered routine by other parents, they’re an “inspiration”. Worth reading and reflecting on how you think of disabled parents, disabled children and ableism, internalised and otherwise.
Doctor felt shunned by hospitals in Wales A story about the fight for reasonable adjustments. Even though it is the law in the UK to provide disabled people with reasonable adjustments, this is by far not the first time I’ve heard about someone being unable to get a job easily, and the reasons given feel like it’s that that in reality employing them would just be too much trouble.
I’m a dancer who sometimes uses a wheelchair – people should just get over it A piece by Kate Stanforth, an ambulatory wheelchair user who was subjected to vicious trolling after dancing on television. I’ve written before about variance in invisible conditions and how no one sees you on your worst days and how this affects whether people believe you’re really ill. The response I’ve seen on social media to this article is how inspirational Stanforth is, which of course she is, but no one has commented on how infuriating it is that people using wheelchairs are automatically expected to be completely paralysed from the waist down or they’re faking their condition and do not need the chair. It’s ridiculous how people feel they have any right whatsoever to comment on other people’s needs for mobility aids or other people’s health, especially when that other person is a complete stranger and they know nothing about their life and condition. As the headline says, people should just get over it.
I’m tired of men laughing at me as a disabled woman An honest and enlightening piece about the infuriating situation of people laughing at you and your disability in public places. I've literally lost count of the number of times a group of men have chased me, impersonating my limp and then surrounding me while they laugh and pen me in. They think it's hilarious, but it's dehumanising, heartbreaking and, honestly terrifying.
Girl with deadly inherited condition is cured with gene therapy on NHS A story of grief and hope as a new treatment has cured nineteenth month old Teddi Shaw of metachromatic leukodystrophy (MLD). Sadly this revolutionary treatment has come too late for her three year old sister, Nala, whose illness is too far advanced for the new treatment to benefit her.
Rights on Flights: DR UK and Sophie Morgan launch new campaign I’ve shared more than one story about the issues disabled people encounter when flying and this campaign aims to hold airlines accountable for this increasingly frequent shoddy treatment.
BSO Resound and RNS Moves ensembles unite for unique concerts A story about a disabled musical ensemble using accessible instruments to perform a collection of new music.
My Wheelchair & Me! A lovely blog by Kerry Thompson in celebration of International Wheelchair Day outlining her experience as a wheelchair user and the independence her wheelchair gives her.
Should you have to provide disability evidence to purchase accessible concert tickets? An exploration of the requirement of some venues requiring proof of disability to book accessible seating. While this ensures that accessible seating is given to those who need it, it can also be intrusive and not possible for some disabled people who don’t have documentary proof of their condition. I’ve had a few friends recently talk about issues they’ve had when attending concerts or other events and have recently had my own issues getting out of venues due to crowded staircases without handrails and unavailability of lifts. As always, it’s important to remember that accessibility is not only restricted to wheelchair accessible seating and that everyone has the right to enjoy events and there’s no reason not to make adjustments to make spaces inclusive for all.
UK's first all-wheelchair-user dance company to tour A story about Propel Dance’s tour of the Snow Queen taking place this spring. This is the first all wheelchair user dance company and they aim to change the opportunities for wheelchair using dancers.
I’m so sorry to read of your experiences. As a child I was able-bodied but smaller than average so often teased about my abilities in sport, however I went to a primary school that was modern and encouraging and regardless of size, I did ok in PE. It wasn’t my favourite subject, but it was ok. Then we moved and I went to a completely different primaryschool in a very different area. I was comprehensively bullied for three years and no matter how hard I tried, I was mocked in PE. I was always last picked for a team and even if I came second or third out of a team of say eight, it wasn’t good enough. I could run quite well (to get away from bullies) but it made no difference. The level of loathing this created in me for PE and any sort of team competition has impacted my whole life even though I’m a good team player. When someone at work suggested doing a rounders match I went straight back to 40+ years earlier. Of all things I’m our culture, one of the worst to alienate people for whatever reason, is PE. My experience has been much less traumatic than yours. I’m disgusted that grown people nowadays can think it ok to mock yoir walk, gait, mobility. I am now not anywhere as mobile as I was, and get funny looks when I get out of a car etc because it takes awhile to be able to walk normally, but I have never experienced what you have and it’s one more reason to feel ashamed of the world we live in xxx