Towards the end of last year I reviewed The Possibility of Colour for North West End UK, a wonderful play which explores synaesthesia, neurodiversity and how mental health is managed in today’s society.
As I said in the review, this is a brilliant Black Mirror-esque look at the world, and does a particularly good job of presenting the experience of synaesthesia to non-synaesthetic people through light and sound effects.
In the play Joseph, played by writer, director and producer, Pete Carruthers, experiences lexical–gustatory synesthesia in addition to hearing music and seeing colours in response to his favourite word. His sister, Aisling, played by Rachel Marwood, hears voices and finds herself becoming a compulsory recipient of “the implant”, a device which “cures” any neural activity which is “not normal” and guarantees a life of so-called eternal happiness.
The Possibility of Colour is a fantastic piece of drama and I was genuinely reduced to tears watching it, writing about it and reflecting on it afterwards. I wanted to write this to cover some of my deeper reflections on the play and how vital I think it is that as many people as possible have the opportunity to see it, and also consider my own experiences of synaesthesia.
I experience ordinal linguistic personification and, like most other people who do, had no idea that other people didn’t associate personalities with letters and numbers until it was explicitly pointed out. In primary school, we did some work on illuminated manuscripts while learning about medieval history. My primary school spread the topic of the day around all the lessons and, inspired by the manuscripts, we were asked to draw the letter A for our art lesson. On that day I either wasn’t listening or completely misunderstood the task (probably the former to be fair!) and I drew the letter A, complete with his stethoscope, grey moustache and tattersall checked shirt. This led to the following conversation:
Teacher: What is that you’ve drawn?
Me: It’s the letter A.
Teacher: Why does it have a stethoscope?
Me: Because he’s a doctor.
I don’t remember exactly what happened after that, but I learned very quickly that it was “not normal” to think in this way and so I put all of the people who live in the alphabet and numberland (note to self: invent a word that means number alphabet), deep down in a dark box and didn’t speak about them again to anyone for years.
And when I did speak about them to anyone, it was either because they’d found out somehow despite my best efforts to hide it and I was being treat as a curiosity while they asked smirking questions, or, I had found someone else who saw the same thing and we’d share whispered confessions about the people we knew.
Which brings me onto another point. They are not the same people, which many people would/have assumed they are. There’s a rather simplistic theory that odd numbers are male and even female, but for me six has always been male and nine female. And Z doesn’t have a binary gender at all for me. I’ve also met people who only see personalities in letters or numbers, rather than both, or even see personalities in other things like cutlery, crockery or rooms in a house.
The Possibility of Colour explores the secrecy that comes with living with synaesthesia and nuerodiversity and the lengths that people can go to to conceal, or mask, their experience of the world. Due to the compulsory nature of the implant and the constant monitoring by Vigil, a big brother style AI played by Verity Henry, the need for secrecy and not even discussing your perception of reality in private is vital.
Thankfully, I don’t live in dystopia (yet…) and recently I stopped caring what people think about it. Maybe it’s come with age, or neurodiversity and other experiences being talked about more, or something else.
The simple definition of synaesthesia that’s banded about a lot is “people experiencing sensations which are not real in response to stimuli which are real”. For me, this is where things get messy and I think it’s one of the points that The Possibility of Colour explores so well.
Who the hell is anyone to say what is real and what isn’t?
We all experience the world in our own unique way. Memes like the blue and black or yellow and gold dress prove this without any doubt. For most of my life I’ve pondered whether the colours I see are even the same as what other people see because who could ever tell, really? You can’t use someone else’s eyes or someone else’s brain and check that yellow is actually yellow.
The Possibility of Colour actually does a really good job of showing the world through someone else’s eyes and this might be as close as you can actually get, unless the worlds shown in Being John Malkovich and Quantum Leap take a dramatic leap forward.
If there was an implant to make A not be a doctor, or 6 not be a sweet, kind, thirty-something man who lives with three cats, there’s no way in a million years I would ever have it. Willingly.
And there’s the far scarier point.
The Possibility of Colour does an excellent job of exploring compulsory treatment. Everyone has the right to experience the world in their own unique way. In fact, you can only experience the world in your own unique way. Sure, you can step into someone else’s shoes, or they can explain what the world is like for them, or you can read a book or see a play that widens your view, but whatever you see, hear, smell, feel or touch will always be from your own unique point of view.
What “normal” is has been decided by someone from their own unique point of view, and some people want to use their position to force everyone into their “normal” boxes. But all of the joy of being human comes from the value of experiencing the world in our own unique way.
And I wouldn’t ever want to lose the possibility of seeing people in the alphabet for anything in the world.
Take care,
Donna
Self-care snippet
Apple and cinnamon tea from TeaPigs is a lovely warming drink on a winter afternoon. The warm cinnamon is festive and warming and the sharpness of the apple means it is refreshing and not over sweet. I enjoyed this with some Christmas chocolate and a festive spice candle burning in the background. A lovely afternoon treat to stave off the fatigue of the day following a difficult night pain wise.
Things I’ve seen, heard, read and talked about
Full lecanemab data presented at CTAD Alzheimer’s Congress A historical drug trial which is a major step forward in Alzheimer’s research. It’s important to treat the results cautiously though, as the drug, lacanemab proved to have numerous side effects and will not be suitable for many people diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or for people diagnosed with other dementia conditions. There is room for some optimism however as the results can be used to drive forward other research projects related to slowing the progress and finding a cure for this devastating illness. For now, the key to treating all types of dementia remains early diagnosis, which is of course notoriously difficult due to the impact of symptoms on patients as well as current waiting times and staff shortages in the NHS.
Disabled entrepreneurs excluded & undervalued by investors A shocking piece showing how difficult it can be for disabled people to succeed in the business world due to being excluded from funding and investment opportunities.
Disability inclusion & equality: We must get better at listening A great piece about why listening to disabled people’s experiences is the key to equality.
5 tips when meeting disabled people for the first time A fab piece about meeting disabled people for the first (or even hundredth!) time! I’ve lost count of the people who’ve spoken to the person I’m with instead of me, or decided to focus any conversation with me on my disability because there’s nothing else. I’ve also been used as a table on a train…
Drowning in Symptoms: How I Overcame Chronic Vestibular Migraine An interesting piece about vestibular migraines, managing symptoms and the (complicated) route to diagnosis. This piece really resonated with me as it outlines the complexities of migraines which are frequently substituted for “bad headache”. I have migraine with aura / shattered glass vision and, in addition to the debilitating headache and altered vision, experience complete intolerance to light, movement and extreme nausea. The first time I had a migraine I was terrified, thought I was having a stroke and went to A&E. I told doctors at the time my left side was numb, but we later worked out that the pain in my head was so bad, I just couldn’t feel my left side anymore. Migraines are not “just bad headaches” and need to be taken seriously as the life changing condition that they are.
Millions have the same 'bendy body' disease as my daughter. Why isn't the medical profession paying more attention? A heartbreaking piece about the difficulties in being diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome or Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder and associated conditions. I wasn’t diagnosed with HSD until I was 34 so this really spoke to me in terms of that journey and the difficulties of seeing different doctors for different symptoms. My diagnosis with PoTS, an associated condition, was a similar experience and I still have issues with some doctors putting my symptoms down to anxiety and an overactive imagination in spite of my diagnoses.
Brillant piece of writing here, Donna. The world is an odd place, in that even though we are in the 21st century and have seen some amazing strides forward in science, medicine, humanity and its behaviour, not everyone will fully open their minds and realise not everyone is like them. Great blog to try to prise them open, though... xx